How to live again when you have lost all hope?

 

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."
— Martin Luther

Life — the greatest teacher, the strictest Nazi, and the most generous Lord. At one point, it takes us to great heights; at another, it slips right out of our grasp. Death, often seen as the antonym of life, sometimes surpasses life itself in teaching. Moreover, there are times when life hugs us, only to become a betraying friend—throwing us off the edge of a cliff without warning.

They say, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But they completely ignore the fact that sometimes, life takes away the strength even to get out of bed, to switch on the lights, to reach the kitchen, to wash the dishes, and then finally to make that lemonade. When you’re overly stressed and slowly slipping into depression, this is what life does to you—it drains you so much that even the most basic activities feel like climbing mountains. Your bed pretends to be your greatest friend when, in truth, it becomes your greatest enemy.

In such a tragic state, we begin to doubt: Will there ever be a day when we feel normal again? Will our hearts beat freely again, without heaviness?

Some months back, I too met with a similar setback in life. I was on medication, seeking counseling, and panic attacks were my regular uninvited guests. It was quite a dreadful state to be in. The loop of overthinking, harsh memories, and overburdened guilt pushed me down—and it took everything from me to try and come out of it. But I couldn’t. The rage, the helplessness... damn, the sight stinks. And I would rather choose not to deep dive into that condition again.

So, while my friends (so lucky to have them) and I were still figuring out how to make myself feel normal again, I was sobbing and wondering what else life could possibly do to make me feel worse. (Little did I know, the worst was still standing in the queue.) I had already declared 2024 to be the worst year of my life. Fair enough—because the year truly gifted me with relentless tears and puffy eyes.

Now, all this while, when I was dealing with my personal problems, I was also quite disheartened because my mom was also facing health issues. One morning, after I finished my breathing exercises, I started reading a book. But even while reading, I was constantly thinking about Mom—what she must be doing, how she must be feeling. So I called her. She said she was fine, just a little sleepy. I asked her to sleep a little more—she’d feel better. I continued reading.

Clock strikes 9:40 A.M.
“You’re a good soldier, choosing your battles…”
My mobile rings. It’s my mom.

Me – “Hello Mummy”
Mom – “Aa jaao.”
Me – “Ok.”

Such a strange conversation. What did it mean? Wait, what? I had no idea what it was about. I wasn’t even thinking much. I just got up, robotically.

I took my keys, wore my shoes, locked the door, and instantly started walking toward my home (I was living in a rented room for academic purposes—my home was just five minutes away). I called my elder sister to pick me up, and on the way we were discussing which hospital to go to as my sister told me her condition wasn’t good. But we were not at all prepared for what was going to happen next...

We entered Mom’s room. And found her… unconscious.
The sight took away my breath.

Somehow, I gathered the courage to hold her, talk to her, and whisper words of comfort and strength, while my sister rushed to arrange the conveyance. We called for an ambulance. No help came. We somehow managed to take her to the hospital.

“Take the body.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, her heart is not working.”

…….

We took her to more hospitals, still hoping for a miracle to happen. Deep down, we knew it had already happened—for real.
Our greatest fear… was unfolding.
And then it happened.
We lost her.
We lost our will to live…

…….

Each day without her is a task. Her face, her voice, her clothes, her memories—everything still feels so fresh. For days, I couldn’t accept the harsh reality. I cried, cried, and cried until I choked myself. The anxiety once again lives with me, sucking my energy like a living parasite. I see her in my dreams, every single day. My day begins with the regret of not being able to save her, the unfulfilled desire to spend more time with her.

The urge to hug her, touch her face, to sleep beside her only to get scolded later…
Damn, she was my life.
I wanted to give her all the happiness she deserved.
I wanted to make her proud.

She had immense faith in me—even when I carried hundreds of self-doubts. She was amazing. My superwoman. My angel. My Mumma.

It’s been one and a half months since we lost her, half a month since I stopped looking up above for mercy, and just a minute since I last cried…

What else can life possibly take away from me?
I feel empty. Directionless. At times, hopeless.
At times, I lose my will to live.

I am unsure of when I will be truly happy again.
But one thing I am adamant about—I will not bow down before the cruelties of life.

My Mom was truly a superwoman. She faced a lot of difficulties in her life, but she sailed through everything—for her children.
And now, when life tests me, how can I flee from the cruel reality like a coward?
When she never gave up, how can I?

I am determined to walk this path through the strength of her love because—
“Love is as strong as death.”
— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Even if I must walk with a crippled leg, I will refuse to surrender.

…….

Over the last few months, life has been a rollercoaster ride.
And I am pretty sure I am not the only one who has faced such a fate.

At this point in my life—where I’ve seen my worst nightmares come true, questioned the existence of God, and tried to find meaning in life—I can say that maybe, as such, there isn’t any meaning in life.

We take birth, grow into adults, face miseries, struggle for jobs, in relationships, in friendships, fight over property, purchase all kinds of material things, make a collection—only to leave everything and everyone behind, one day.

Without taking our favourite watch, bag, or clothes… without even bidding our dear ones goodbye…
We just leave. Just like that.

Feels really negative, right?

But life somehow finds its way even through the darkest days and the deepest cracks.
Even if life in itself seems meaningless, it is we who must give meaning to our lives.

There are two options before us:
To die every day in negativity until we finally die,
Or to live with hope, giving our best, cherishing each moment—and rest in peace when death knocks.

The choice is ours.

So, if you've ever thought of ending your life for any reason, or maybe you think you don't add any good to the world, or simply you think you have no reason or hope to live.... Here I have this piece of words for you.

You MATTER. You can do so much! Literally! One life can do wonders! Remember individuals like Mahatma Gandhi, Swami Vivekananda, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, impacted several lives! These people were One Man Army. They alone changed the course of history and became an inspiration for millions. Here's a list of things you and I can do if we feel directionless or think there's nothing worth living for:

A. For Ourselves

1. Read Books - Romance, Biographies, Self Help, Philosophy, History, Science Fiction, Suspense, Horror, Adventure, Mythology, Poetry.

2. Write Poems, Books, if your interest lies in it.

3. Travel. Explore the world.

4. Pursue your hobby. Gardening, Singing, Painting, literally whatever you like! And be the best in it.

5. Do a job for finance.

6. Make friends, build a supportive circle.

7. Engage in adventurous sports.

8. Try new food. Eat your favourite dishes.

9. See sunset and sunrise.

10. Invest in Your Physical and Mental Health – Exercise, eat well, meditate, and get enough sleep.

11. Dress nicely. Feel good in your own body.

12. Learn professional Dance.

13. Watch movies.

14. Get in a routine.

15. Practice gratitude

16. Adopt a pet

17. Learn a New Skill – Cooking, playing an instrument, coding, or learning a new language.

18. Do Skin Care.

19. Spend time in silence – reflect, journal, or simply be.

20.  Celebrate small wins – reward yourself for surviving, trying, growing.

 Basically, do everything that brings you joy, peace and confidence. 

B. For the World

1. Serve your nation in any way you can – through action, voice, or presence.

2. Be the voice of the voiceless – speak up for those who can’t.

3. Donate – money, time, knowledge, clothes, food, love.

4. Join communities – for preserving nature, promoting peace, animal welfare, education, etc.

5. Visit orphanages or old-age homes and spread genuine love.

6. Adopt – a pet, a child, or a cause.

7. Teach the underprivileged – share your knowledge.

8. Speak kind words.

9. Be someone’s support during their darkest times.

10. Plant trees. Protect the environment in small or big ways.

11. Volunteer for disaster relief or medical camps.

12. Write letters or messages of hope to those in hospitals, prisons, or lonely corners of life.

13. Create awareness – about mental health, climate change, equality, or whatever matters to you.

14. Help someone fulfill their dreams – sponsor education, share opportunities.

15. Offer emotional support online or offline – a listening ear can change a life.

16. Organize or participate in charity events.

17. Celebrate others’ achievements – lift people up.

18. Start or join movements that aim for justice, peace, and healing.

19. Choose kindness, every day.

20. Let your existence be a light in someone else’s storm.

You see, there’s so much to do, so much to be! During times of misery, we tend to forget that things heal over time, and that we possess immense strength within us. The most practical and recommended way to always have the will to live is to have a purpose in life. A life without purpose is like a butterfly without wings—beautiful, but unable to soar. Even the mere belief that it is we who hold the power to change our lives—for better or worse—is powerful in itself. I hope we choose better. I hope we choose light over darkness, not just for ourselves, but for others too.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances."
— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning