Dear Mom,

It’s been two months since I received your last call, and a second since I imagined your pretty face. It’s completely foolish of me that I could never tell you face-to-face that you were the prettiest, you were the strongest, and I adored you so much. It was always through my poems or the gifts I gave you that I tried to express my love. But I know you knew me—you understood that I am a complex being. Most of my relationship with you revolved around lecturing you on what to do and what not to, when I was truly incapable of even deciding what to wear.

I haven’t looked at myself properly in the mirror since I lost your physical presence—because I’m too afraid to face the you that lives in me. I’m afraid because whenever I used to turn away from the mirror, you were always there, and I could ask you whether the dress suited me or not. But now, seeing no you behind me... it hurts.

You know, I try to think less about you, because there isn’t a single thought of you that doesn’t bring a flood of tears. And you definitely wouldn’t be happy seeing me that way. But to put your thought away is very difficult—our strings are too closely tied.

Dear Mother, I don’t know where you are, I don’t know what happens after death, but all I know is—death isn’t strong enough to keep me away from you.
And that,
“Love is strong as death.”
— Song of Solomon 8:6, The Bible

I hope you are near your Lord, the Christ and His Father, because you adored them so much and truly trusted them. I just have one question—why did they take you away from us when you wanted us to be near you? Why didn't He ease your pain? I know nobody can answer this, and I faintly believe in your God. Still, I truly want Him to exist—just so you are with Him. I hope you’re not suffering anymore. I hope one day we reunite—all of us, like a happy family.

Mum, I have many regrets—not being able to spend more time with you, not being able to express myself properly, not hugging you enough, not being able to serve you... and lastly, not being able to save you.

But I won’t burden you with my pessimism and grief. I hope your pain has eased. I know you were always proud of me, and I promise I will make you even more proud. I promise I would control my anger, and my pessimism because you never wanted to see me that way. I promise I’ll keep my heart pure—because that’s where you live now. I love you more than anything in the world.
And I miss you.
No one can ever take your place.

I promise I’ll try to be happy, and keep others around me happy too. Don’t worry about us—we’ll manage everything. You rest in peace.

Love you, love you, love you.

Love you more than I love the stars and the moon,
I truly miss the warmth of your sheltered cocoon.
I hope you're safe in heaven with the Divine,
Dear Mother,
You’ll always be my sunshine and my pretty Valentine.. 

-Yours Angel.

25^th April, 2025